Do You Have What It Takes

To Be a Chorister?

Tom Reed, chorus

Have you ever considered auditioning to become a member of an opera chorus? Would you like a career as a professional opera chorister? Take the following test to see if you have what it takes.

PART ONE

Take a moment to memorize the following lyrics, set to the tune of "Happy Birthday To You":

PART TWO

Answer YES or NO to the following questions:

• Do you feel an affinity for the stage?
• Does prolonged screaming ever make you feel lightheaded?
• Would you feel uncomfortable riding for seven hours in a Volkswagen Beetle with more than five people?
• Have you ever fainted while wearing winter clothing in a sauna?
• Do you mind re-breathing the same air for an hour? For a whole day?
• Have you ever lost your temper with someone simply because they've annoyed you constantly for eight months?
• Is the difference between your real age and your "professional age" more than ten years?
• Have you ever made a doctor flinch when you said, "Aaaahh"?
• Have you ever signed an autograph?
• Is music your favorite topic of discussion?
• Are you still searching for your Fach?
• Do you feel better in rooms with windows?
• Does singing high-speed Russian while rushing backward down a ladder seem at all funny to you?
• Have you ever asked a director to explain what your motivation is?
• Do you ever feel the need to be alone?
• Do you prefer music to money?
• Do you like to be noticed sometimes?
• Have you ever screamed when someone stepped on your foot?
• Do you dislike the herd mentality?
• Do you think of yourself as an individual?
• Do you need to hear yourself when you sing?
• Do you mind a little pain? A lot of pain?
• Are you one of those singers that needs to see the conductor?
• Do loud explosions at close range ever startle you?
• Do you think of yourself as an artist?
• Do you enjoy your home life?
• Would you find it difficult to climb steps in the dark wearing a potato sack?
• Would looking directly into bright spotlights make it difficult for you to see a dim television monitor?
• Do you tend to fall in holes a lot?
• Would wearing only a body sock equipped with artificial genitalia make you feel at all self-conscious?
• Do you like cast parties?
• Do you like to "ad lib"?
• Do you feel you have a lot to offer the world of opera?

PART THREE

On a piece of paper write down from memory the lyrics to the song from Part One. No peeking! Then proceed to the Scoring section.

SCORING

• Give yourself five points for each word correctly remembered from Part One.
• Give yourself one point for each "NO" answer in Part Two.
• If you scored 96 – 100 points you are definite opera chorus material. Audition immediately!
• If you scored 90 – 95 points you may find life in the chorus difficult.
• Anything less than 90 points, forget it. The opera chorus is definitely not for you!